I’m going to friend zone all new guys that come into my life. It’s not that I’m assuming all new men that come into my life wanna date me… it’s more the fact that I get smitten so easily and eventually want to date them! If I date someone, it’s most likely I’ll get one-itis for that lucky male and stay fixated on them for a lot longer than I’d like to admit.
But’s that me! I love being in relationships! I love being committed to one person! I love learning everything there is to know about them! I love making them happy! I love being the best girlfriend I can be!
What’s different now is that it can’t just be anyone. I’ve only been in three relationships but the last two (especially the last one) did quite the number on me. I don’t like going into details because I’m a firm believer that it’s fair to hear both sides. I don’t want to share things and then have you think ill of the person or me without hearing both sides. Also, everything is in the past now so let’s all that there.
I should’ve known this but with all the mainstream BS that women put up with, it’s totally understandable that I didn’t learn all this until trial and error.
But I know better than to simply give my heart away too easily and too soon. It’s probably a good thing that all three of my relationships have been long-term, especially considering the fact that I wasn’t single for very long between each relationship. To give you a better understanding, I’ve been in a relationship since I was 18 and I’m 26 now. I’ve only been single for 6 months.
Let me tell you briefly about these last couple of months.
After my boyfriend of 5-and-some years and I broke up, I was going through so.many.FEELS. If I had a theme song, it would be Jai Wolf’s remix of Kiara’s “Feels.” Our breakup was one of those “long time coming” ones. Like I said, I don’t want to get into too many details without him being able to share his side so that’s all I’ll say.
Anywho, I was obviously NOT over my ex-lover yet, but I really wanted to be. I wanted to rush the process so badly and not have to deal with all the feels. So I did what I always did. I developed one-itis on another guy. This dude was the first guy that to show me something different in a really, really, really long time. I think if we didn’t stop talking, I would have gotten into a relationship with him IF he asked me to be his girlfriend. I shudder thinking what a disaster that would’ve been.
Don’t get me wrong, I was genuinely attracted to this guy (like I was with all my ex-boyfriends). What I really liked about him was how he showed interest in me and all I was doing was doing me! He asked my best friend for my number and it pleasantly surprised me that he wanted to keep in contact after just meeting me one weekend. I just really appreciated the fact that he enjoyed talking and hanging with me. It didn’t hurt that he was tall, well-mannered, had a man bun, and seemed like a considerate person/friend.
Anyways, I definitely placed so MUCH EXPECTATION on this poor guy but fortunately for him, it was all unknowing because ya girl ain’t the clingy type. Or at least I hope I played it as cool as I think I did. When things between us began to fade and I got news that he was seeing someone else, I felt real dumb, foolish, and disappointed. My feelings are valid but I just hated how I allowed someone to have such reign over my emotions (for a long time too, lol) and it was just some guy! I just got to a point where I’m realizing that I’m too good to be feeling this way, too good to be tripping over some guy. And that’s not to say I’m better than him or nothing, but I ain’t the one who’s missing out. Let’s just leave it at that.
I’m in the process of developing who I am, but more importantly, discovering who I am and what makes me, ME! I think I need to do this solo dolo for awhile but damn, old habits sure die hard. I do carve attention, I do carve that kind of love/devotion/committment, I do carve it all. But I gotta be enough for myself this time. I gotta know that I’m always going to be enough for myself. #thanksRupiKuar
So that’s where I’m at right now. I’m planning to friend zone any new male that comes into my life. Anyone who makes it obvious to me that they want to be more than friends will have to wait till I’m ready. Whoever is at the end is the one I will open my heart to and give a chance. I will also friend zone myself with any male, even if I am attracted to them. IF that attraction levels up to real, genuine interest then I’ll get myself out of the friend zone.
BUT BEFORE that happens, it all boils down to how much time and patience I give myself + the new relationship into developing. If I rush things, I will end up getting caught up in being smitten and make premature decisions that may not be positive in the long run. If I take my time and practice more patience, I will make smarter and more sincere decisions? Not saying that impromptu choices are made insincerely or have insincere intentions, but taking your time to make sure you feel a certain way (for whatever reason) seems fair to me. I guess when you’re looking for consistency, sincerity, and a solid foundation that’s what I’m going to consider before allowing myself to feel strongly for and be committed to anyone.
Long story short, I ain’t just going to fall for some guy anymore. I’m not going to get swept up so strongly. It’s not that I don’t want too (because that shit is/feels awesome), but it’s because I know how I get. I get easily smitten, I get easily caught up, I get easily lost. I want to know that the guy is with me because he simply wants to be with me. He simply enjoys who I am and encourages me to be me. He will like all my quirks even the annoying ones. He will appreciate my mind, heart, and soul before he truly gets to appreciate my body and then it’s all good for him from there cause I give that bomb loving FASHO.
I will know that I sincerely like him and most importantly, trust him with my heart. I will have taken my time to appreciate him for his good vibes and who he is as a person. His past, his dreams, his quirks, his fears, his strengths I’ll come to know a great deal before I learn more during the relationship. But the amount I’ll know reflects how close we are as non-lovers. If everything was willing, imagine how awesome that would be?
For this to happen, I first need to love myself that way. I need to first get to know myself like that and on such a deeper level than now. I’m on the way, but I’ve got a ways to go. But if someone is down for the ride and has proven himself a worthy suitor, then I’m all for sharing this journey and helping him on his.
Oh yeah, I should’ve mentioned that I’m going to remain abstinent. I’m not going to be a saint, but simply put, I ain’t having sex with anyone unless we’ve been together for a couple of months. It’s going to be hard but I know it’ll be worth the wait.
So yeah, that’s the game plan.